Perspective

One of my favorite websites, Trendland, posted this today. I love mixing illustrations with real images. What is even more interesting than this pretty design is how it came about. This is a part of a project that gave several artists the same image (in this case, the bird) and asked them to create an image using the bird. If you see the post, you'll see how different every artists' take on it was. Reminds me of how every situation can be interpreted differently. Even sucky ones. So there I am being positive again!

Review

I just ate more cheese than I probably should have but I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

Currently, the company that signs my paychecks is requiring those that have been employed before January 1, 2011 to go through a review. What does this mean? Well, it means what everyone is concerned about is going to be addressed. Finally. It's time for raises. Now, I've already been beating down into an apathetic pulp, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I did however, do the "optimistic" and "positive" thing to do--I took review time as an opportunity to reflect on what I've achieved in the past year, what needs improvement, and let it be known what I am hoping the future holds for me.

So what does review time consist of? Well, it's a 6 page packet every employee is given that is accompanied by a 35 page employee handbook as well as a 27 page Independent Development Plan guide. Yeah. I'm really corporate now.

In the review packet, you are asked to rate yourself on a scale of 3.0-7.0 (they keep assuring us that there are no wrong answers) on topics such as: productivity, attitude, ethics, passion, etc. And then you are asked what you have achieved, what your objectives are for the future, and of course, what your strengths and weaknesses are.

I did what all my other co-workers did: I went through a series of emotions. First, wondering what kind of raise I would get. After hearing that the "typical" employee can receive a 3% raise, I quickly dismissed the idea that I would be earning the big bucks anytime soon. Then, I began to think about the past year. It was like being in a dimly lit hallway of my life and having two doors to open to 2010. One door was my personal life, my business... everything I do in my free time. It's brightly colored and filled with all my toys. All squishy and warm. I was even greeted with a hug at the door. Then, there was my work of 2010 door. It's tie dyed with bright colors and mixed in with some very dark, tar-y colors. Just noise and objects and people quickly swishing by you when you open it. I quickly shut that door.

It's not that I don't enjoy my job. I really do. It's proven that I can do a lot if I put my mind to it, but it's also mixed in with some dark memories. I did what I promised myself I would. I focused on the brighter things in that "room". As I was listing my accomplishments, I was also reminding myself that what I do, and what I contribute to that company really do matter and I am a very integral part of the team.

As horrible a feeling it is to have to honestly rate yourself, it was also good to know that I really am worth more than what I feel like sometimes. And I'm really hoping *fingers crossed* that upper management will see that as they review my review. Ugh! Such bureaucracy!

Nothing's Going to Take Me Down!

Surprisingly, that's how I've been feeling as of late. I know. Surprising. Especially coming from the girl whose manager described of having an "East Coast level of sarcasm".

Today, I was telling my co-worker about my dad's amazing career history. Let's back up a little more.

Over the weekend, I spent some time with my dad and during the car ride over to the Grove where we were going to have dinner, he was telling me about his first job when he came to the States. (Or one of the first, I might have heard him wrong and I don't want to be held responsible for misinforming you.) It was as a designer for a women's evening wear company back in the 80s. He was telling me about how his boss trusted him to do work only his boss would do before and that people were beginning to become envious of the responsibilities he was given--especially at such a young age (his co-workers were about 5-10 years older than him). And my Dad casually pointed out how old he was at the time. Twenty-two. TWENTY-TWO!

Now, people that are close to me know that at my "young" age of 23, I already feel old. As if I haven't accomplished enough for a person my age. I realized after several small and large breakdowns, that I was in fact young. Many people my age, haven't even thought about starting a business or are even at a job that they plan to turn into a career. And more than that, a career that they actually WANT. Not need.

So, an anecdote like the one my father told me over the weekend would have sent Jane about 3 weeks ago into a downward spiral of depression. Instead of thinking positive and optimistic thoughts, I would blame myself for choosing a different life path than my peers have. These thoughts would close in on me and make me feel claustrophobic within my own mind. I'm sure you all know what a panic of that level feels like.

Well, the point of this long story is that, I was a little upset at how early in life my dad had it together. He, like my sister, have known what they want in life since they were little. And I mean little. My entire life, I never once heard my sister say that she wanted to be something different than a doctor. Her entire life has been calculated moves to get her to where she is today (in her second year of medical school) and I really do admire that. Same goes for my dad... They don't think much of it, I'm sure, because it's all they know. But from a third party's perspective, it's very clear.

So, in the moments that passed when my dad finished his reminiscing, I reminded myself that I cannot keep comparing myself to people that have had it together their entire lives (career wise anyway). I also can't compare myself to people that are not the same age as me. I remembered that I'm unique and my life story that I tell my kids when they're my age will be different. Because it's MY story. And, if it all goes as planned, they'll feel an unbelievable pressure to live up to my reputation. Haha. Ok, well, I don't want them to feel pressured to be like me, but you know what I mean.

Okay, now tying it back all the way to the beginning of this post, when I was telling my co-worker about my dad's impressive career, she reminded me that those were also different times. I can't compare how my career will turn out to someone's career over 20 years ago. And on top of that, the economy in the 80s was booming. Now, not so much...

We were quiet for a moment. I knew what she was thinking. I was thinking it too for a split second. "How can we make it in this economy? Our careers are hopeless." Quickly shooing away those toxic thoughts, I said to her, "You know what? I'm not going to allow this economy dictate how my career turns out. I'm going to make something of myself whether everyone tells me it can be done or not." (I may have added a little here and there, but that was essentially what I said.)

And that really made me feel better.