Review

I just ate more cheese than I probably should have but I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

Currently, the company that signs my paychecks is requiring those that have been employed before January 1, 2011 to go through a review. What does this mean? Well, it means what everyone is concerned about is going to be addressed. Finally. It's time for raises. Now, I've already been beating down into an apathetic pulp, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I did however, do the "optimistic" and "positive" thing to do--I took review time as an opportunity to reflect on what I've achieved in the past year, what needs improvement, and let it be known what I am hoping the future holds for me.

So what does review time consist of? Well, it's a 6 page packet every employee is given that is accompanied by a 35 page employee handbook as well as a 27 page Independent Development Plan guide. Yeah. I'm really corporate now.

In the review packet, you are asked to rate yourself on a scale of 3.0-7.0 (they keep assuring us that there are no wrong answers) on topics such as: productivity, attitude, ethics, passion, etc. And then you are asked what you have achieved, what your objectives are for the future, and of course, what your strengths and weaknesses are.

I did what all my other co-workers did: I went through a series of emotions. First, wondering what kind of raise I would get. After hearing that the "typical" employee can receive a 3% raise, I quickly dismissed the idea that I would be earning the big bucks anytime soon. Then, I began to think about the past year. It was like being in a dimly lit hallway of my life and having two doors to open to 2010. One door was my personal life, my business... everything I do in my free time. It's brightly colored and filled with all my toys. All squishy and warm. I was even greeted with a hug at the door. Then, there was my work of 2010 door. It's tie dyed with bright colors and mixed in with some very dark, tar-y colors. Just noise and objects and people quickly swishing by you when you open it. I quickly shut that door.

It's not that I don't enjoy my job. I really do. It's proven that I can do a lot if I put my mind to it, but it's also mixed in with some dark memories. I did what I promised myself I would. I focused on the brighter things in that "room". As I was listing my accomplishments, I was also reminding myself that what I do, and what I contribute to that company really do matter and I am a very integral part of the team.

As horrible a feeling it is to have to honestly rate yourself, it was also good to know that I really am worth more than what I feel like sometimes. And I'm really hoping *fingers crossed* that upper management will see that as they review my review. Ugh! Such bureaucracy!