Perspective

One of my favorite websites, Trendland, posted this today. I love mixing illustrations with real images. What is even more interesting than this pretty design is how it came about. This is a part of a project that gave several artists the same image (in this case, the bird) and asked them to create an image using the bird. If you see the post, you'll see how different every artists' take on it was. Reminds me of how every situation can be interpreted differently. Even sucky ones. So there I am being positive again!

Review

I just ate more cheese than I probably should have but I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

Currently, the company that signs my paychecks is requiring those that have been employed before January 1, 2011 to go through a review. What does this mean? Well, it means what everyone is concerned about is going to be addressed. Finally. It's time for raises. Now, I've already been beating down into an apathetic pulp, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I did however, do the "optimistic" and "positive" thing to do--I took review time as an opportunity to reflect on what I've achieved in the past year, what needs improvement, and let it be known what I am hoping the future holds for me.

So what does review time consist of? Well, it's a 6 page packet every employee is given that is accompanied by a 35 page employee handbook as well as a 27 page Independent Development Plan guide. Yeah. I'm really corporate now.

In the review packet, you are asked to rate yourself on a scale of 3.0-7.0 (they keep assuring us that there are no wrong answers) on topics such as: productivity, attitude, ethics, passion, etc. And then you are asked what you have achieved, what your objectives are for the future, and of course, what your strengths and weaknesses are.

I did what all my other co-workers did: I went through a series of emotions. First, wondering what kind of raise I would get. After hearing that the "typical" employee can receive a 3% raise, I quickly dismissed the idea that I would be earning the big bucks anytime soon. Then, I began to think about the past year. It was like being in a dimly lit hallway of my life and having two doors to open to 2010. One door was my personal life, my business... everything I do in my free time. It's brightly colored and filled with all my toys. All squishy and warm. I was even greeted with a hug at the door. Then, there was my work of 2010 door. It's tie dyed with bright colors and mixed in with some very dark, tar-y colors. Just noise and objects and people quickly swishing by you when you open it. I quickly shut that door.

It's not that I don't enjoy my job. I really do. It's proven that I can do a lot if I put my mind to it, but it's also mixed in with some dark memories. I did what I promised myself I would. I focused on the brighter things in that "room". As I was listing my accomplishments, I was also reminding myself that what I do, and what I contribute to that company really do matter and I am a very integral part of the team.

As horrible a feeling it is to have to honestly rate yourself, it was also good to know that I really am worth more than what I feel like sometimes. And I'm really hoping *fingers crossed* that upper management will see that as they review my review. Ugh! Such bureaucracy!

Nothing's Going to Take Me Down!

Surprisingly, that's how I've been feeling as of late. I know. Surprising. Especially coming from the girl whose manager described of having an "East Coast level of sarcasm".

Today, I was telling my co-worker about my dad's amazing career history. Let's back up a little more.

Over the weekend, I spent some time with my dad and during the car ride over to the Grove where we were going to have dinner, he was telling me about his first job when he came to the States. (Or one of the first, I might have heard him wrong and I don't want to be held responsible for misinforming you.) It was as a designer for a women's evening wear company back in the 80s. He was telling me about how his boss trusted him to do work only his boss would do before and that people were beginning to become envious of the responsibilities he was given--especially at such a young age (his co-workers were about 5-10 years older than him). And my Dad casually pointed out how old he was at the time. Twenty-two. TWENTY-TWO!

Now, people that are close to me know that at my "young" age of 23, I already feel old. As if I haven't accomplished enough for a person my age. I realized after several small and large breakdowns, that I was in fact young. Many people my age, haven't even thought about starting a business or are even at a job that they plan to turn into a career. And more than that, a career that they actually WANT. Not need.

So, an anecdote like the one my father told me over the weekend would have sent Jane about 3 weeks ago into a downward spiral of depression. Instead of thinking positive and optimistic thoughts, I would blame myself for choosing a different life path than my peers have. These thoughts would close in on me and make me feel claustrophobic within my own mind. I'm sure you all know what a panic of that level feels like.

Well, the point of this long story is that, I was a little upset at how early in life my dad had it together. He, like my sister, have known what they want in life since they were little. And I mean little. My entire life, I never once heard my sister say that she wanted to be something different than a doctor. Her entire life has been calculated moves to get her to where she is today (in her second year of medical school) and I really do admire that. Same goes for my dad... They don't think much of it, I'm sure, because it's all they know. But from a third party's perspective, it's very clear.

So, in the moments that passed when my dad finished his reminiscing, I reminded myself that I cannot keep comparing myself to people that have had it together their entire lives (career wise anyway). I also can't compare myself to people that are not the same age as me. I remembered that I'm unique and my life story that I tell my kids when they're my age will be different. Because it's MY story. And, if it all goes as planned, they'll feel an unbelievable pressure to live up to my reputation. Haha. Ok, well, I don't want them to feel pressured to be like me, but you know what I mean.

Okay, now tying it back all the way to the beginning of this post, when I was telling my co-worker about my dad's impressive career, she reminded me that those were also different times. I can't compare how my career will turn out to someone's career over 20 years ago. And on top of that, the economy in the 80s was booming. Now, not so much...

We were quiet for a moment. I knew what she was thinking. I was thinking it too for a split second. "How can we make it in this economy? Our careers are hopeless." Quickly shooing away those toxic thoughts, I said to her, "You know what? I'm not going to allow this economy dictate how my career turns out. I'm going to make something of myself whether everyone tells me it can be done or not." (I may have added a little here and there, but that was essentially what I said.)

And that really made me feel better.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a lot of fun, we went out with my closest friends from high school, watched a movie, drank some coffee, and SAW IT SNOW IN BURBANK! Some were calling it hail, but from ky experience, hail look like little balls of ice, and this was flakes of ice.  I'm going to call it snow. :)

Today, it's a beautiful day in Los Angeles, as if the thunder storm and snow didn't happen yesterday.

Tomorrow, I'll be shoe shopping for running shoes with Kathy.  I know, this really is a new beginning for me.  But for once in my life, I'd like to wake up skinny and go to bed skinny. Lol. So, I guess the only way to do that is to control it by exercising..

Dinner

Had dinner with our friends tonight. A good time as usual... :)

Things I Want to Do in 2011 (so far)

Self Improvement

1. Work Out.
2. Write on a regular basis.
3. Take lots of pictures.
4. Read at least 10 books.
5. Make myself at least one wearable item.
6. Make someone else at least one wearable item.

Go

1. On a road trip.
2. On an airplane to somewhere. Anywhere.
3. To a theme park.
4. Camping.
5. To at least 2 museums.

Learn

1. How to use power tools/build things.
2. Upholstery.
3. More about sewing and patternmaking.
4. How to cut men's hair.
5. More about marketing.

Business

1. New website.
2. Reach out to more people.
3. Get into at least 2 more retail stores.
4. Be published in a magazine or major blog.
5. Participate in at least 3 craft shows.
6. Expand the product line.

Excuses

I think I have a moment everyday where I just want to get up and start doing something. In fact, it probably happens more than once throughout the day. But I always find excuses for myself not to do something. Ugh. (At least I'm recognizing the problem here... So stop waving your judgement finger at me.)

Excuses don't seem like a bad thing until you realize what they really are. They're just reasons you believe to be valid to talk you out of doing something. I know them very well. I come up with one to counter everything I want to do. "I want to one day make a blah blah blah that looks like so and so" I get all excited and then I immediately think to myself, "Okay fine, but where are you going to do this? Where will you get the money? Who would want that? I don't know enough to even get started in that." I seriously hate that little negative b*tch that lives inside of me.. lol. There's a very thick line between excuses and being realistic.

I think the worst part about it is that I've already proven to myself that I can do whatever I put my mind and hard work to... Janie XY has proven that over and over again in such a short amount of time. I looked back to how I got started in it, and I realized that it happened so fast, I didn't have time to let Negative Jane come out and talk me out of doing it. I made a toy, listed it on Etsy and went from there.

It always seems scary to start doing something on your own, but I'm now starting to realize that I'll never get anywhere if I keep procrastinating and making excuses for myself and most importantly, never take a chance. The worst thing that could happen when you take a chance is that you fail. But it's not the end of the world, unless what you're doing actually involves the fate of the world... Chances are, it won't.

So here's what I have to say to you (and this will get cheesy). If you think of something, act upon it. (Obviously, bad acts like murder, combovers, and other illegal activities shouldn't be included here.) If you want to pursue a career path but don't think you can do it. You most likely can. If you thought of an idea and how to make it happen, then you're already half way there. Don't make excuses for why this won't work... Just do it already!